Chronic
A low throbbing pain in my back Is my constant reminder that My body is in rebellion Against age And all the should have’s. Should have eaten better. Should have exercised. Should have stood up straighter. But all that doesn’t matter now Because the pain likes to linger Just out of reach of serious, Or terrible. Although it threatens… With piercing stabs and fleeting pings And sometimes tightening contractions of Muscles that I don’t have. But instead, it lingers more in the category of Always and forever. Never ending. Sometimes in the morning when I wake up There is a moment when it is missing. I feel… nothing… no pings or twinges, No dull throbbing or piercing stabs. Just… normal. Like my back is whole and My life is ok. And I lie very still – not wanting to disrupt The moment. I pray for it to last - to stay. Please stay. Maybe today I can leap from the bed And skip to the mirror And I will see a five-year-old Who can twirl and spin And climb up a slide. She lives inside me that Five-year-old. She hangs out with the 15-year-old. And the 30-year-old. They dance and run. They jump and hike. They shop and garden And all the things that I can’t do. At least for now. Today. And tomorrow I will try again.
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